Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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