My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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