Non-Jews are for practice
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
