the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
