I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
