i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
