Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I understand Curling. That high.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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