You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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