after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
