you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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