Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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