the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize