Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
