I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
