You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
