Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
