If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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