the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
