So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize