um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
