Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
