And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh god it's open bar.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
