just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Rumble strips road head = magical
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
