I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
