Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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