There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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