Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
