THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He felt like a one man threesome
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
