How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
