i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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