I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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