maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
A+ Viking dick
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
