just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
