in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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