I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm always down for nudity.
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