I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
