Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i came on her dog
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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