OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My feet surprised me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
