dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
