Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
