just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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