So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
