I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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