So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
