oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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