my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
