Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
