dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
