A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
