I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
