I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
