I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You need a sexual gate keeper
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
