And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
