i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
