They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
