There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
