You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize