tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
