i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
