Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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