i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
