WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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