Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
